How Do You Deal With Conflicts?

A stranger skips in front of you on line.

A friend blurts out something offensive in a conversation.

You think that a classmate has lied to you.

How would you handle a conflict like any of these? Would you explode with anger, or try to stay calm? Would you address the situation head on, or would you retreat from any confrontation?

What kinds of conflicts, big and small, have you experienced? Do you think you resolved them effectively?

In “How to Handle Conflict When You Hate Confrontation,” Jancee Dunn writes about healthy ways to have uncomfortable conversations:

I was in the middle seat on an airplane recently, during a flight to London, when a person behind me put her bare foot on my armrest.

My heart started to pound. I knew I would have to say something. But before I could, a man next to me, who was writing in a notebook, glanced at the foot and lightly stabbed it with his pen. The foot, unsurprisingly, slid away.

For some of us, the mere thought of confrontation triggers a stress response, complete with rapid heartbeat, tense muscles and shortness of breath, said Karen Osilla, an associate professor in psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Stanford Medicine. This causes people to avoid it, she said, “because we associate it with danger.”

But not only are disagreements inevitable, they can have benefits, said Bo Seo, author of “Good Arguments: How Debate Teaches Us to Listen and Be Heard.” Research suggests that resolving conflict in healthy ways increases your well-being, lowers stress and improves self-esteem. Productive disputes, for all their challenges, “are pathways to a bigger life,” he said.

So how should conflict-averse people deal with tense situations? I asked experts for tips on how to confront someone when you would rather do almost anything else.

Ms. Dunn presents five strategies that can help us deal with conflict more effectively:

Start with people you trust.

Ease into the discussion.

Describe your emotions.

Shift to a “learning conversation.”

Remember that you can only control your actions.

Students, read the entire article and then tell us:

• How do you deal with conflicts? Do you try to address them directly or do you tend to avoid confrontation?

• What kinds of conflicts do you have in your life, in or out of school? Describe a recent or memorable experience: What was the cause of the conflict? How did you try to address or resolve it? How did you feel afterward? Looking back on the incident now, do you think you handled the situation effectively?

• Karen Osilla an associate professor in psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Stanford Medicine, says that “the mere thought of confrontation triggers a stress response, complete with rapid heartbeat, tense muscles and shortness of breath.” Does that ring true for you? Would you say you are a conflict-averse person? Do you have a hard time speaking up, disagreeing or dissenting during contentious situations?

• Which strategies outlined in the article, such as “Ease into the discussion” and “Remember that you can only control your actions,” do you find most useful? Do you have tips of your own to recommend to others who shrink from tense situations?

• Ms. Dunn writes that research suggests that resolving conflict in healthy ways increases your well-being, lowers stress and improves self-esteem. Does that resonate with your own experience? Do you agree with Mr. Seo, author of “Good Arguments: How Debate Teaches Us to Listen and Be Heard,” that “productive disputes” are “pathways to a bigger life”? How important is it to learn to manage and resolve conflicts?

• After reading this article, are you more likely to tackle conflict directly the next time one arises?

Students 13 and older in the United States and Britain, and 16 and older elsewhere, are invited to comment. All comments are moderated by the Learning Network staff, but please keep in mind that once your comment is accepted, it will be made public and may appear in print.

Find more Student Opinion questions here. Teachers, check out this guide to learn how you can incorporate these prompts into your classroom.